By Oluwafemi Fadiya
“Guy please lend me 10k, I really need to make a trip”, he said that night, obviously distressed. I didn’t quite have the money, but I had to find a way. You see, that had always been my pride, or problem, depending on how you view human relationships. That need to always be there for the people I consider important to me, regardless of what it cost me. Maybe he knew that, with the way he began to treat me like a crutch. After he left that night, I didn’t hear from him for the longest time. I never got to know where he travelled to, needless to say that I never got that money back.
We had been really close friends for about 5 years. I was always there for him. From lending him my shoes, to giving him money and helping out with major stuff that he couldn’t handle alone, I was always at the giving end. I didn’t think much of all that I was doing, because to me, that’s just what friends do. I never really had the opportunity to even rely on him for anything, because I had already gotten used to the reality that I was the benefactor of the relationship, and that he could be of no real help to me in my time of need. So used to that reality was I that I even began to get upset when he didn’t let me in on the things that bothered him, and so began the process of our estrangement.
He’s just one of the many friends that have acted to me like friendships are only as valuable as what they offer them in the short term. I was angry at my friend for the longest time, but still always came through for him whenever he needed my help. I couldn’t say ‘No’. It almost seemed as if my worth as an individual lay in my being needed by others; a need to be needed. I always put myself, with my messiah complex, in positions to be of help to those who won’t seem to do the same for me. I always tell myself that it’s better to be a giver of help than to be in need of it, and maybe I’m right, but it truly does wear me out. Sometimes I’m torn between not spreading myself too thin for those who don’t “match the energy” and the Biblical injunction to not only do good to those who deserve it, knowing that “God makes it rain on the just and unjust alike”.
I’m learning to find a good balance though, demanding adequate contribution to a relationship while giving my best to make sure that we thrive. Also, I’m getting to see myself as truly human first; a man created with identity, dignity, and worth. A man with failures, weaknesses and needs, and a man who certainly won’t let his light go out, but will keep being a lighthouse for others.
*Photo credit: Jonas Jacobsson on Unsplash
About the Author:
*Oluwafemi Fadiya is a Medical Laboratory Scientist resident in Kaduna state. He is also a producer and songwriter (and good friend *wink wink*) when he isn’t doing all that medical stuff.
*If you will like to share your stories of past/present addictions like this here on the blog, you can send your story to firstname.lastname@example.org. We will be honoured to be a part of your journey to understanding yourself and working your way through life lessons.
We will all be fine………. regardless of our journey, if we want to be