By Oluwatoyin Adeleye
It is strange to fathom, but there are times that I’m so miserable that I almost feel like there’s nothing to be thankful for (even though the religious African in me keeps roaring: “You’re breathing you ungrateful child”!)
But sometimes I just want more – no, I need more.
I need more than just the hope that something good will happen. More than just having faith. More than just counting my blessings. More than just believing in God and in myself. Sometimes I just really need someone else to be me for like a week, to carry my burdens, my thoughts, my fears, my insecurities, while I take a break from it all and just chill with zero worries, in fact zero thoughts.
Sometimes I just want to be!
To exist without the burden of a purpose! (Again, the religious African in me is screaming, “God forbid!”).
But let’s just take a second and be honest with ourselves. Have you ever had one weekend where you did absolutely nothing but sleep, wake up, watch movies, order food, watch more movies, sleep, watch movies Again, read a novel, sleep and that’s All? Besides the guilt of knowing you have not been productive at all that day, what else did you feel? I’ll tell you what I felt – bliss! I felt so useless and yet so blissful.
Obviously, the bliss did not last very long, because by Sunday evening, I had begun to worry about the beginning of another week, its responsibilities, ambitions, requirements, and more.
Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I absolutely love having a purpose. It is what drives me and like a Porsche without breaks, it keeps me accelerated.
But adulthood can be so difficult sometimes. First it is the worry on whether you will get a job or not, then you get it and you realise it is not that easy to keep it, because while your bosses assume that the fact that you studied architecture means you can build a house from scratch, paint it, and decorate it yourself, among other very-unrelated-to-your-job-description tasks they will assign you, there will also be that colleague whose life mission is to always throw you under the bus.
Now, you’re juggling this and your parents add the fact that you have to get married and give them a grandchild. Then you get that fiancé and you cannot decide who will quit their job (that they worked their butts off to get and keep), to go and be with the other, because long-distance is not for you. Then you add the woes of friends who are eyeing your boo or the ones that think your world should revolve around them and throw mean jabs at you for not constantly keeping in touch (“I’m busy, guys. Try it some time.”).
Then you get married and suddenly, you realise you are worried that you and your husband – the absolute love of your life – have been fighting so much more than even when you were dating (“will this marriage last?” you wonder). Then you worry over having kids… Can you take care of them? Are you responsible enough to raise a child and nurture them successfully in these scary, social media-ridden world? Will your child turn out to be among the good ones? Do you even want to bother having kids? (if you live in Nigeria, then forget this one, you have to have kids, if you don’t want the wrath of your extended family). Let’s not even talk about the increasing rate of infertility in young women these days…
I’ll pause here (add to the list in the comments section).
So you get the drift. Life can be hard.
Or it can be simple… If you live each day as it comes, pay your kindness forward, accept your mistakes, learn from them and do what will truly make you happy.
Because we weren’t called to be useless. We were called to pursue the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus so, chop chop! Get back to work 😊. Christ didn’t die for this😏
And in this we will find rest, knowing that in the end, our efforts would have ricocheted to sustain another life; because there’s something even sweeter than that blissful, useless feeling of doing nothing and that’s the sweet, pure joy of knowing someone else fulfilled purpose because you tried.
Because you refused to just be USELESS!
Photo credit: Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash
About the Author
I’m Oluwatoyin Adeleye and I think my name is too common (almost every Yoruba family has a Toyin). I’m a writer, an adventurer and a free-spirit, tamed by the Holy Spirit. I like the arts – literally everything arts-related – but I’m not a fanatic. Also, I don’t like plantain and I’m a junk food addict. Judge me!
*If you will like to share your stories of past/present addictions like this here on the blog, you can send your story to firstname.lastname@example.org. We will be honoured to be a part of your journey to understanding yourself and working your way through life lessons.
We will all be fine………. regardless of our journey, if we want to be