By Moyinoluwa Okunloye
I have heard people say over and again, “I desire a great love story. I want to be married to the love of my life, you know! I want to end up with my soulmate.” I say it all the time. Like Ray in the movie Marry Me, I pray always to God for the fairy tale: I don’t want the yard sale scenario, I want the fairy tale. And I believe God hears me.
However, I have also found out that love is fickle. Especially when it is from someone else. People do not love people all the time. Human beings are not that well behaved. We are never really perfect enough to be loved all the time. And usually, people need a reason to love you. More often than not, lovers’ definition of love for each other is hinged on specific reasons (either material and characteristics). It is not something we do out of malice or anything. It is just the way it is. Usually, there just need to be a reason to make waking up to your drooling face palatable. There has to be a reason to endure your incessant badgering or nagging. It is what it is.
And because of this, we grow up to learn to have certain expectations of our partners, even before we ever meet them. As a matter of fact, these expectations are the reasons we weed out certain suitors from the list of would – be partners. This is not wrong. It is there, even when we don’t want it to be.
The mistake we make however, is placing the burden for satisfaction and the provision of happiness on a significant other. The fairy tale is expected to be that our partners give us joy and love like we’ve never been loved. And all these, they are expected to do almost in the way that we have imagined. If this is not happening, then there is a problem.
I have a very interesting life. I learn from books and I learn daily from friends and acquaintances. And daily, I learn from trials and errors. And on love and fairy tale, I am learning each day that I will never get my fairy tale if I do not create it for myself. I am learning that my joy, happiness and the love that I want for myself is something that I have to have first, for myself before anyone else can give it to me.
I have met the greatest love of my life. I am my own soulmate. No one would know how to treat me better than I treat myself. Actually, I might not even understand or see when someone else treats me better if I do not love myself enough. So, I try to ease myself of expectations first, on my self and for the person who ends up taking my hand. I try, against my natural instincts to worry and analyse, to enjoy each moment with myself and love on me.
For I am the greatest love of my life. Until I die, I am going to always have to deal with me. I am stuck with me forever. So, I ought to love and dot on me.