Listen up, Bully! (3)

Dear M,

How are you doing? I don’t know if you ever think of what you did to me as evil judging by the way you interact with me at family functions or when we happen to meet. It’s funny how life has moved on but some not so pleasant images have refused to move on.

What was I to you? A lab rat to try out the varying sexual feelings you felt? It’s a little wonder we never got along when you first came to live with us. I think my spirit foresaw the future and that was its way of protecting me. I was meant to be the baby of the house, protected by everyone but we never knew that the one I was to be protected from was called family.

I do not even remember how it started, but two images are clear in my memory. First was when you had me fiddle with your penis till you were hard and second was when you tried to fiddle with my vagina. I objected but you tried to push your way through. I knew this was wrong, but you had made me sworn to secrecy. You took advantage of a 6-year-old, you violated not just my body but my mind.

Did you know that because of what you did, it felt ok for other boys to try out their blooming sexual feelings on me? Did you know that you took away my innocence and led my inquisitive mind into what will be a bondage of masturbation for years? I bet you didn’t. After all, you were just catching fun and being a boy.

But do you know what baffles me? It is how you thought you could take advantage of me again at age 20. Like seriously what was the stunt you were trying to pull when you came to press your hard penis on my buttocks in the kitchen? O you thought I will turn into your arms and it will be a perfect moment?  My God, I was too baffled.

But you know what I realised? It meant you actually did remember what you did and felt I would be an easy prey again. You remembered, not to apologise but to try again. You remembered. Does that pain me? No. Actually, it disgusts me.

Your cousin

D.

Featured image by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

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